07 March 2007

Wet Wednesday #1: Rocco Siffredi, Mentor?

Due to the continuing ... well, questionable quality of the material supplied by the TMI Tuesday folks, I decided that this week I would wait 'til Wednesday to do a meme, deciding between the offerings of TMI Tuesday and the newer, less-known Wet Wednesday. Because Wet Wednesday's questions have been pretty interesting. Until this week. Of course.

So it was a tough decision between the lesser of two weak memes, but I decided to give Wet Wednesday a spin.

Why bother do this at all, you ask? Because I feel like all the other posts that are waiting to be addressed are major issues, and I'm still in a hardhat-work-zone where I just don't have the time to really delve into the issues I want to here. At least the memes are quick-and-dirty posts that keep fresh content on the blog.

Without further ado....

1. Have you ever watched a self-help sex DVD? Why or why not?

I have seen the ads for these many times in the back issues of Playboy and Penthouse, but never for a moment did I consider looking at one. I just assumed that they would be ... well, boring. There are so many other places to go for material like this — I'm talking largely, but not exclusively, the Internet — that I have to think the companies that put this product out aren't really selling much of it at all.

Besides, why would you need to watch this stuff when all the hardcore pornography is just as educational? How do I know this? Well, it says so right there at the beginning of every porn DVD. It must be true.

2. Have you ever read a self-help sex book? Why or why not?

I did read one of these once. Oh shit, I'm not going to remember the name of it now. But I remember the circumstances ... It was this period of time in the mid-1990s when Amy and I were in really bad shape, relationship-wise. On the verge of ending it. And the sex was awful. And I think I got it in my head that rediscovering myself sexually was somehow going to help things. The couples therapist we were seeing at the time was also giving us "exercises" to help us find our way sexually again, and I probably had some insane idea that this book was going to work in conjunction with that work.

The book had been given to us as a joke present one Christmas, and we'd just thrown them in a bottom shelf of an out-of-the-way bookcase. And I found this one one day and decided to delve into it. Here's my great revelation from the book, folks: Studying your genitals in a mirror will not save your sex life or your relationship. There, I just saved you $12.95. You're welcome.

3. If you and your partner were just not clicking sexually, would you ever see a sex therapist to "save" your relationship? Why or why not?

I'm sure we would. Regular couples therapy was really good for us, so I'm sure if we thought that was the best thing for us, we would consider it. But the fact is — I hope this doesn't sound boastful — Amy's and my communication is pretty sharp right now, and we talk very openly about all things sexual. I think we would probably be able to work out any major issues that came up, sexual or otherwise. Some would be harder than other. Sex is not one I'm worried about at the moment.

4. Premature ejaculation, limp erections, frigidity ... What is your biggest sexual frustration (besides not getting any)?

Well, when I was younger, the issue was definitely premature ejaculation. But I haven't had to worry about that in God-knows-how-long. And I've never had an issue with erections. (To answer your question: No, I don't have one right now.)

5. If you could choose a great, healthy, trusting, life-long marriage/relationship with no sex OR a so-so marriage/relationship with someone you had great, awesome sex with, which would you choose?

There's a toughie.

Ever the optimist, I'd probably choose the so-so marriage with the awesome sex ... with the (probably mistaken) impression that over time, we could turn the so-so elment into fantastic. Either that, or I'd figure that I'd find the non-sexual elements that were missing in the marriage, I could find them somewhere else in another relationship ... a sort of emotional/social affair.


AmyElle said...

That emotional/social affair leads to some pretty nasty problems if you aren't careful. I am smack in the middle of one. In some ways, it can be more damaging to a relationship than a physical/sexual affair is.

Happy WW!

Anonymous said...

I think that's it probably easier to find awesome sex outside of a marriage that's good in other ways, than it is to find emotional support outside of the sexually hot marriage. But I agree... it is a toughie.

A Pervert Looks at 40 said...

I'd take the healthy, trusting relationship in a heart beat. Like you, the sex life in my marriage isn't all I want it to be. However, that's easier to fix, because there's a fundamental trust and love underneath, than adding trust where there is none. Been there, done that.

Denis Connor said...

You know what? I had a bad feeling about this post when I put it up, feeling like it's not up to snuff for my usual writing. And on top of that, I probably missed the mark by a mile on my answer to that last question.

amyelle, your point is well-taken ... especially considering the affair I had on Amy (before we were married) started as an emotional affair ... and progressed "nicely" from there.

mariée ... I guess I was thinking that if the sex wasn't good, the "emotional support" was already not there. I link the two closely together. But then, if there's no sex or emotional support, why would the couple be together at all? If nothing else, my answer indicates how important sex is to me right now!

and pervert, you're probably like ... though I feel like I keep reading blogs around and about that show a loving, trusting relationship ... where one partner is too dug in on their narrow views on sex to be the good, giving, and game partner they should be. But maybe I'm overstating the prevalence of that problem.