06 March 2007

... And Could I Have a Side of Lube With That?

This morning, I'm climbing out of bed, my fingers tingling from hitting and re-hitting Snooze. Child No. 1 is already asleep next to Amy. Child No. 2 walks in and announces that I must read a book to said child. Now.

But I have to take a shower, get ready for work. Amy knows this, so she intervenes. As I close the bathroom door, I hear Amy say to Child No. 2:

"Come snuggle with me. We can make a Mom sandwich."

Now, I know this was meant to be helpful. And I know the sentence was uttered in complete innocence. But my mind takes that utterance completely out of the context where it was used and inserts it into a new context — one where children are far, far away.

The problem isn't working around the raging erection in the shower. The problem isn't adjusting my pants during a meeting later that morning when my mind wanders back to her sleepy proposal. I have 30 years of experience dealing with those two issues.

No, the problem is the fact that I will get no work done today until I can figure out the answer to this question:

What will it take to get Amy to say those words to me someday?

3 comments:

The Dark Side of me said...

I'd say that to the man and he'd roll his eyes at me.

la fille mariée said...

Mmmmm. An Amy sandwich. Can I play? I promise not to eat more than my share! ;)

Denis Connor said...

Lena: I have so much I want to say about your situation with the man. I find myself doing the keyboard version of biting my tongue ("biting my fingers?") whenever I read you. The man should be rolling his eyes all the time ... but he should be doing it because you've brought him to a new sexual height that he never guessed at before. You could do that for him. Why in the world would he pass the chance to find out? The world may never know.

mariée: i commend your selfless sacrifice in controlling your appetite. I, however, am not so selfless: I want it to be a Denis sandwich, between you and Amy....