50,000 / Tag, I'm It (II)

First of all, my 50,000 hit on this site came on the 99th day of existence — at 11:39 p.m. on Friday, April 20th. So, my Windows XP-using, Firefox-browsing friend in Cupertino, California: You win a new Porsche! Oh, but wait ... You have to be present to win! My apologies. I'll give Amy a kiss in your honor.

Seriously, thanks to everyone for the support over these first few months. I love writing here, but I love almost as much what I read and learn from the great blogs and friends I've found.

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This is insanely overdue. It's a 'tagged' post I was working on before I got sick. The sweet (and currently hiatus-ish) La fille mariée tagged me on this one. I am so bad about finishing what I started that I just had to finish this one. Finally, I can close the loop on this. LFM, my humble apologies for my lateness.


A - Available or Single?
Available for weddings, parties, and bar mitzvahs. But that's about it.

B - Best Friends?
I have a few best friends in real life: A running buddy; a friend who hops from country to country with each new job; a friend in an orchestra in Europe; a couple of good friends on the Internet. Friendships have always been tough for me to maintain over long periods of time. I don't know why. After I lose touch with a friend, I find myself desperately searching for him/her on the Internet. I find him/her ... and then that seems to be enough for me. I let 'em slip away again.

C - Cake or Pie?
Pie. Pie. Pie. I really want to learn how to bake a great pie. By that I mean I want to master the art of brilliant pie crust. (Maybe Preheated can teach me. You up for it, Pre?) (Can I call you "Pre?")

D - Drink of Choice?
Tonic water. When I drink it, I always figure people think I'm on the a recovering alcoholic. I'm not. I've just always loved the taste.

E - Essential Item?
Oh, my iPod, most definitely. I live for it. For what? For music? Nawwwwwww! For lectures! You think I'm kidding, don't you? I'm serious. I have a slew of lectures from Yale and Princeton on there, most having to do with politics. I know, I don't get it either. (Okay, there's music on there too — 3,674 songs at last count.)

F - Favorite Colour?
Colour? Colour? I'm sorry, I have no idea what a colour is. Do you want to know my favorite colour in the UK is? In France? In Canada? Oh! You want to know what my favorite color is! Well, why the Hell didn't you say so?

Blue. Especially when it's a movie.

G - Gummi Bears or Worms?
Bears could kick worms' asses. If worms had asses, that is.

H - Hometown?
Springfield. You've seen it on TV. We have a nuclear reactor there. Our home team is called the Isotopes.

I - Indulgence?
I don't have an indulgence. I mean, not something I spend lots of money on. I have a problem with spending lots of money on anything.

J - January or February?
Anything that gets me closer to Spring, I want that one. I'll take February, thanks.

K - Kids and Names?
I like them both. Especially polite kids and nicknames.

L - Life is incomplete without?
You're kidding, right? If you have to ask, you haven't been reading my blog.

Seriously, if my answer weren't "sex," what would it be?

Hmmm.

Life is incomplete for me without children. I would never answer that way for anyone else, though.

So let me go ahead and give a more universal answer: Life is incomplete without an ability to be childlike. Okay?

M - Marriage Date?
Wow! Um ... No, I've never had a marriage date. I know they have them in Vegas all the time, though; why else would you need a drive-thru chapel?

N - Number of Siblings?
A sister and two brothers.

O - Oranges or Apples?
I guess I have to skip the predictable "melons" joke here, eh? I have a regularly strong craving for citrus. I'll take oranges, thankyouverymuch.

P - Phobias/Fears?
Flying. This has developed relatively recently. It started when I fell truly, deeply in love with Amy. I'd never had a fear of dying until then. I just wanted to be with her for as long as possible. This feeling got even worse when I had kids. Even if we're all together on the plane, I dread not getting to be here, in this existence, for my full 80 or 90 years. This phobia developed, by the way, at the same time I lost interest in wanting to climb Everest. Same reason.

Q - Favourite Quote?
"There's no amount of work a man can't do if it's not what he's supposed to be doing."
- Peter Benchley

R - Reasons to smile?
When Amy drops a sexy, flirty remark to me on IM at work.

S - Season?
Summer. Full on, baby. Bring on the hot.

T - Tag 3 People?
You know, I'm not gonna do it this time. I just feel like I'm so late on this thing, and I feel like maybe it puts unnecessary pressure/guilt/annoyance on others.

U - Unknown Fact About Me?
What, 100 wasn't enough? Fine, then. I can never keep you happy. Here's one more, to grow on: I feel like I'm missing life when I sleep, so I stay up way, way later than I should on most nights. (This fact is probably tied to my recent sickness.)

V - Vegetable You Hate?
Eggplant. Get that thing away from me.

W - Worst Habit?
I'm always trying to do much more than I have time to do. It makes me late to everything.

X - X-rays You've Had?
Teeth. That's it. (They're gorgeous. Thanks for asking.)

Y - Your Favourite Foods?
Again with the euro-spelling! I'll assume you know about your typos, but you know how that turns me off, don't you?

Favorite foods: Pie comes to mind (can't imagine why!). French fries. Bibim bop. Just about any Thai dish with curry. Speaking of curry, lots of Indian food rocks my boat. Speaking of boats, conch fritters from this restaurant in Daytona Beach, FL, which is probably long gone and whose name I can't remember anyway, we're delectable. And speaking of delectable: Pussy.

Z - Zodiac?
Are you trying to pick me up? You know you don't have to use a line with me. Just be yourself! I'll do ya.

Tag, I'm It (I)

Sweet Bekah "tagged" me recently. I've never been tagged before, so Bekah, you took my tag cherry. I suddenly feel a strong desire to cuddle. Do you still love me? Do you think I'm pretty?

(Sorry, La fille mariée, you missed having that by a coupla hours. I'll be fulfilling your tag request in the next coupla days.)

The gig is this: I have to come up with five things about myself that I've never written (or isn't immediately obvious) here.

One would think this would be a piece of cake, but here's the rub: I completed a "100 things about me" list back in early February, and I'm waiting for "the right moment" to unleash that on you. Since this is a sex blog, my one requirement is that all posts have to be sex-related, so every one of my 100 things is about sex in some way. And that, my friends, took a seriously long time to complete.

Now I had to come up with five more! Thanks, Bekah. You're a peach.

Nevertheless, I persevered. For you. Here are five sexual things about me. Consider it a teaser for the upcoming 100-things list (which, I must say, is even juicier).


1. I've taken purity tests a number of times, dating all the way back to the first 500-question version that showed up on Usenet in 1991. I just took one again, and my score: I am 53.96% pure. I am bound and determined to get "over the hump" and slip below 50% by the end of this year!

2. I have a thing for Meredith Vieira. Shut up. I'm serious. I would totally do her. The way she flirts with male contestants on the syndicated version of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? makes me want to audition for the show just so I can show her my "lifeline."

3. I don't really masturbate in the shower. I mean, I suppose I have, but ... it doesn't really work for me. It doesn't go anywhere. Considering my love for shower sex, this seems odd to me.

4. Not only was I involved in all the plays during my three years of high school, I was also involved in just about every group shoulder- and back-massage in which the crew and actors engaged in the wings, just offstage. We did this a lot. Like, daisy-chain massages. Looking back on this, it's hard to believe that the grown-ups nearby would allow such sensual activity to continue unabated through the entire run of our shows. I mean, didn't they know that when I was working Hallie's shoulders, I was also looking straight down her black Danskin top? Were they really that dense? I know Hallie wasn't. She loved it.

5. How am I hangin'? Usually to the right. When I'm not, you know, pull-and-sweepin'.


So I'm supposed to tag five more people. I kinda hate this part, but I better do it in case there's one of those Internet curses where if I don't follow through, something bad will happen like my testicles will break off and work their way down my pant leg. My right pant leg, as you now know.

So: amy.elle ... Lena G. ... Penelope / Odysseus ... preheated ... and WM ... You're all on. And your five things dont' have to be about sex — that's just my thing. (But it's always more fun when it is!) If you go for it, the general link above will change to that specific post on your blog.