Also, this is one of those weeks that the TMI questions show how dreadfully dull my life is, based on the amount of this one that is total b.s.
1. Have you had sex with another person in 2007?
You mean, besides you? No. You're the only person I've fucked this year. How can you know for sure? You'll just have to trust me.
Have you passed on an opportunity to sex with another person in 2007.
Oh, honey. Where to begin? Let me just put it this way.
- There's a reason Britney Spears was boozing it up with Paris Hilton, and it has nothing to do with her sorry-ass husband. And the no-panties thing? A pathetic attempt to show me what I'm missing.
- There's a reason Pamela and Kid Rock only lasted four months (this time), and it has nothing to do with "irreconcilable differences." Unless that's her new pet name for me.
- There's a reason Angelina suddenly up-and-moved to New Orleans with her hubby, and it has nothing to do with how much she allegedly loves The Big Easy.
2. What is the funniest thing you have ever said or done during sex? (Orgasmic facial expressions do not count.)
Well, not so much a funny thing I did, as a funny thing that was done to me: This woman I was seeing for awhile had a sadistic kitten. We had mutual hate for each other, the cat and I. One night, While girlfriend and I were furiously fucking on the floor (it was as arousing as it was alliterative), the beast took a flying leap off of her bed ... right onto my back. Needless to say, the party broke up.
3. What is the first thing you notice about a member of the opposite sex?
I notice her blood iron levels. And then her cuticles.
4. What is the best pick-up line you have ever heard? Ever used? Ever been used on you?
I can remember my favorite response to a bad pickup line:
Him: How do you like your eggs in the morning?I don't believe I've ever knowingly used a pickup line myself.
And the most effective pickup line a woman has ever used on me to get me into bed: "Hi."
5. Where is the most unique place you have ever had sex?
In my wife's ass.
(Oh, come on. You had to see that one coming. It's not even original!)
Bonus: Do you pee in the shower?
Yes. And some would say that I'm in the minority, but I think a lot of people lie about this. After all, for awhile there, peeing in the shower was de rigeur. Have we all forgotten Madonna's storied visit to the studios of David Letterman several years ago? Allow me to reacquaint you (I'm not making this one up):
Madonna: Did you know that it's good if you pee in the shower?If so, has any SO known that you pee in the shower?
Dave: I'm sorry?
Madonna: I'm serious! [crowd reacts uncomfortably] No, seriously, peeing in the shower is really good. It ... it fights, um, um, athlete's foot. I'm serious, no, urine is like, is like ... is like an antiseptic. It's all got to do with the enzymes in your body.
Dave: Don't ... don't you know a good pharmacist? [laughter]
Madonna: Ummm ...
Dave: Get yourself some Desenex! Or whatever that stuff is.
Madonna: I wanted to share something that I knew with you.
Dave: Okay, well, thank you very much. Ah, I going to try to wrap this up.
I was really hoping we'd keep this between us.
Has any SO peed in the shower?
Perhaps, but I'm betting most of them are part of the 58% that are too demure about it to come clean. So to speak.