09 February 2007

Proof of My Sainthood as a Husband.

I just got back from the pharmacy, where I picked up Monistat for Amy.

Complete with a pharmaceutical consultation1 on which formula would be best for her.

In a crowded pharmacy. (Is this where America hangs out on Friday nights?)

With big, burly men standing directly behind me, waiting for their prescriptions. And, most likely, guffawing into their hands.

How did I get through this? By utilizing the spousal equivalent of imagining your audience naked when battling stagefright: I kept declaring to myself: Think what you want, assholes, but I'll bet a paycheck that I'm getting better blowjobs from the recipient of this medication than you'll ever dream of.

The downside for you, of course, is that it'll likely be several days before you get to read about more indisputably intoxicating accounts of our matrimonial copulation.

(And yes, I realize that actually blogging about my "act of heroism" draws so much self-congratulatory attention that my chance at sainthood is soiled. You know what? It was worth it.)

1 There was this classic moment, after the male pharmacist fumblingly handed me off to the female pharmacist, when she locked eyes on me while holding one box and said with rapt intensity: "As a woman ... this is what she wants." Later, Amy suggested: "You should have asked her: 'But what would you recommend as a man?' "

5 comments:

Juno Henry said...

"And yes, I realize that actually blogging about my "act of heroism" draws so much self-congratulatory attention that my chance at sainthood is soiled."

... three hours after i first read this sentence, and i'm still giggling.

Juno x

la fille mariée said...

I swear I posted a comment here yesterday -- and now it's gone! This keeps happening to me! Blogger hates me! And I'm sure my previous comment was much wittier than this one will be. :(

If buying your wife Monistat qualifies for husband sainthood... well, frankly, I think you're going to have to work much harder to retain the title of St. Denis. Let me know when you come up with some real proof of sainthood.

Bekah said...

Awwww, how f'n sweet are you? You are still a saint, no matter if you had to bring it to our attention or not.

Denis Connor said...

Juno: I like making women giggle for long, long periods of time. That's where the light touch of the tongue comes in handy.

Mariée: When did you suddenly become hard to please? Looks like I need to send out a red-flag warning to all your many initialisms: She's not so easy after all.... *wink*

bekah: You're very kind, but remember: I'm not a saint until I have at least 125,000 signatures on the petition and all paperwork is filled out correctly in triplicate.

Yeast Infection said...

I think you are going to have to work much harder to retain the title of St. Denis.
Yeast Infection