30 January 2007

TMI Tuesday #3: Putting On My "Depends"

I don't just suck at unequivocation ... I swallow. Case in point: This week's TMI Tuesday responses.

1. Do you think people in general are too forgiving of or too harsh on promiscuous women? Promiscuous men?

I think I will often answer TMI Tuesday questions with "It depends." In this case, the X factor is the community that these promiscuous individuals (promiscuosities?) move through. In the community that you ("Dear Reader") are currently residing, promiscuity is, by and large, accepted ... in many cases even applauded. Slutty behavior makes for better blog entries, right? Meanwhile, in Conservativeville, USA, promiscuity, while probably no less rampant, is a means to castigation.

How do you define "promiscuous?" The lead definition at Answers.com is: "
Having casual sexual relations frequently with different partners; indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners." But I think a lot of people consider promiscuity something more along the lines of cheating on someone. "Why did they break up?" "Well, she was promiscuous." The assumption there being that she was sleeping around on her partner against his wishes. But what if she's doing so with his knowledge, née his approval? She's still promiscuous, but the promiscuity is acceptable within the community of their partnership. Nothing to forgive, nothing to punish.

Unless she asks for punishment ... and takes it bent over like the naughty girl that she is.

I'm sorry, did I get distracted again? I'm avoiding a true answer to the question.

The general answer here is that societies are more harsh on women than men when it comes to promiscuity. Whether punishment or praise is appropriate for sluts (male or female), one would hope that the treatment would be meted out equally. But we're a long way from equality in so many places in this society; why would this dark corner be any different?

Yes, this is my grand take on gender equality: Women won't be truly equal until they can fuck around just as much as men! Now, if I can work that into an "I have a dream"-style speech, I can become the hero of the sex blogosphere.

2. Suppose you've been dating someone for a year, and they're slowly getting fat. Does this romance have long-term potential?

That depends, doesn't it?

Do I love her for more than her physique? If so, then the weight is going to matter far less.

Is her weight gain making her a more unhappy person? If it is, and if she's not going to actually take steps to improve her self-esteem, there will be some troubling signposts ahead.

Am I also putting on weight too? If I'm an average American, I probably am getting heavier by virtue of aging.

If the increased weight makes the sound of my hips slapping against her ass more deeply resonant, am I going to complain? I don't believe so. Provided the weight gain doesn't curtail the interest in intimacy of either party, I think the relationship will continue to flourish.

3. If you have five VERY successful dates with someone, are you a couple?

That depends ... on which psychological hang-up you have. Are you a hopelessly starry-eyed buffoon who absently scribbles your first name with his last name on your telephone doodle pad, when all he did was hold a door open for you? Or are you the kind who, after a decade together, flips out when he suggests you leave a toothbrush over at his place, demanding to "just fucking take it slowly, okay?!"

Me? I was the buffoon. We were usually a couple after one. I fell hard and fast. Not unlike my sexual performance at that age.

But seriously, in this day: If you're actually able to have five "VERY successful" dates, you are a complete and utter idiot to not be a couple.

4. When you have a "toe-curling" orgasm, do your does curl up, or down?

Wait a minute: That phrase is referring to my toes? Criminy. That explains why every time I get Amy close to climax, she starts screaming at me to "Leave my fucking toes alone -- it hurts when you bend them back to my ankles!"

Thank God I've got this blog to help me learn where I've gone wrong.

5. Can great sex be reason enough to stay in a relationship? (What about just okay sex?)

That depends. Where does the couple want the relationship to go? Plenty of "friends with benefits" setups can last a long, long time. (Sometimes they continue even after the parties involved have started new relationships with others.) But it is our nature for our needs in life to change over time -- and rarely do two people's needs change in consort. When a relationship is based on one element, and that element gets out of sync, you'd better have something else to fall back on.

While I know people who have had long-term relationships based pretty much on the sex, I've never maintained one myself. The relationship that probably falls best into this category lasted about three months (the sex was quite grand) ... but I found so many other things about her to be incompatible with me that I had to end it. Later, we had a FWB arrangement for awhile, and that was actually working much better ... until I fell in love with her best friend.


Anonymous said...

He's like Barack Obama ... except he's not afraid to admit he wants to take his wife from behind.

Is this the funniest of the ever-changing tag lines (or whatever they're called under your blog title) of Denis Connor?

That depends...

And by the way, nice waffling on the promiscuity question. Don't think you actually answered that one. ;)

LadyXandria said...

Great answers... and I thought I was verbose :) You're right, we're definitely gonna have to changer your nickname to "It depends." Happy TMI Tuesday!

ZigZagMan said...

LOLOL...entertaining answers Denis. Happy TMI :)

Professor Fate said...

Long winded answers (thats OK that is how I answered before I started writing questions) I wish everyone would expand past yes and no. Happy TMI. Thanks for playing.

Sexy Duet said...

Love your answer to #4 - too funny. Happy TMI!


HM said...

And you also dodged the Okay (or bad or absent) sex and relationship question - maybe next TMI Tuesday?

Denis Connor said...

Great. Just what I need: People reading my blog are holding my feet to the fire.

LFM -- on the promiscuity question: I think women are generally chastised for promiscuity more than men. More specifically, women are chastised by other women for being sluts more than men are (by either gender).

And HM -- No, I don't believe great or okay sex is enough reason to stay in a relationship. But the point is sort of moot: It is personality and connection with someone that makes me want to bed them. If we aren't connecting on that level, then I'm not going to want to have sex anyway. The relationship is already over. Make sense?

Anonymous said...

A variation on #5 - What if you're in a great relationship, but the woman doesn't want to have vaginal sex? In fact, she only services the partner with mind-blowing hand or blowjobs? Do you think the relationship would eventually end? Could YOU last in a relationship like this? What if Amy made the declaration that she was no longer having vaginal sex because it hurt too much? Perhaps, this is also for next TMI Tuesday...

Tom Paine said...

Found you thanks to La Fille Mariee. You should drop by, we have some things in common.

Denis Connor said...

Anonymous wrote:
What if you're in a great relationship, but the woman doesn't want to have vaginal sex? In fact, she only services the partner with mind-blowing hand or blowjobs? Do you think the relationship would eventually end? Could YOU last in a relationship like this?

I did last in that relationship -- for two years. Seriously. Well, to be more specific, when we attempted intercourse, it was too painful for her, so in the two years that we were together, it never happened. But Jesus Christ, did we ever live in The Land of Oral. And you know what? It was great. Oh, and we didn't break up because of this problem. (This story should probably be a blog entry rather than a comment.)

Which probably answers your next question:

What if Amy made the declaration that she was no longer having vaginal sex because it hurt too much?

I'd be okay with it. But I would bet, if this happened, that Amy might be willing to make "arrangements" for me to get intercourse somewhere else. Of course, this is such a vague hypothetical that I can say anything now and have no idea how the parties involved would really react if those circumstances became reality.

Tom -- Thanks for popping your head up. I read you and I dig you. Thanks for the pointer.

Miss NFS said...

so funny!

me said...

Hmmm...talk about your food for thought.

Denis Connor said...

me: That depends, doesn't it?