21 April 2007

Sixteen years.

I said to Amy, as we were going to bed last night: "Our relationship is now old enough to drive a car."

I'm getting all nostalgic today, in many different ways. But here, in this forum, I'm getting nostalgic in a particular way.

We woke up in her bed together that first morning, only hours after I met her. I woke up first, actually, which gave me the chance to watch her sleep, so peaceful. Momentarily, she opened her eyes, and the smile on my face was soon mirrored by hers.

Neither of us had any idea what was to come. All we knew at that point that this person whose face was just inches away was pretty cool. I'm sure she thought: "Am I gonna trust this guy far enough to hurt me?" My complex, revealing thought was probably something like: "Goddamn, she's hot."

I'd had to talk her into that first kiss, hours earlier, before we slept. "It's just a kiss," I'd said. "Oh, okay," she said. When we woke up later, her kisses, perfectly quiet, were much more willing. Already, she was believing. Somehow, some way, my hands found their way under her pink t-shirt, and I touched those glorious, stunning, full breasts for the first time. She also slipped a hand into my shorts. I'm sorry, her shorts. Gym-style, elastic waistband. I'd borrowed them in order to have something else to sleep in besides my nice clothes. I wasn't supposed to have spent the night.

How ... careful we were. Proper, in an improper way. Feeling out each other's emotions as we felt our bodies. Exploring, but watching each other's faces to make sure we both felt good about what was happening.

And oh yes, we both felt very good about The Touch.

Later, much later, we wouldn't be so careful, so sensitive. But the love just beginning to take shape that morning would carry us through a lot of water, rough and calm, when we finally got to "later, much later."

We didn't fuck, not for a couple of weeks. We made a decision neither of us had ever made before: We decided to get tested first. That should have been a sign of how serious we must have felt it was.

As Amy fell asleep in my arms last night, her naked body pressed against mine, my hand cupping her breast, her body twitching as it gave up the last slivers of consciousness, I thought about how far we've come, how much confidence this love has lent to both of us.

"It's just a kiss," I had said.

Thank God for my naiveté.

6 comments:

Penelope said...

Great entry!

Bekah said...

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww, how great is that?

I love the way you talk about your wife.

Have a great day, and I stole the meme, the A-Z one... I have nothing else to blog about so I am going to use that to fill space.

Laters.

Denis Connor said...

penelope -- Thanks so much! I live to please you. Well, I live to please all women. Well, I live to please all women by pleasing Amy, specifically. Aw, fuck it: I just live to please Amy.

bekah -- It's pretty great. A friend said to me last night, "What did you do in a past life to end up so lucky in this one?" And he doesn't even read this blog....

Fat Controller said...

This lovely post spoke right to me, not least because that's exactly how it was for us the first time (apart from the borrowed shorts!)

Denis Connor said...

FC -- I can't imagine that your first time was exactly as it was our first time. What I've shared is an extremely boiled down version of a very odd first night together. Let's just say we've never had another night (or morning) like it. Someday perhaps I'll share that story.

mia said...

Aww, that's way cute. I wish Don had a blog and wrote stuff like this about me, heh. We haven't been together for 16 yrs though, only three, so perhaps I need to wait a bit :)

x